


Lost and Found

by Lauren (notalwaysweak)



Category: Secret Life of Us (TV)
Genre: Gen, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-24
Updated: 2002-02-24
Packaged: 2017-10-05 15:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalwaysweak/pseuds/Lauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Miranda finds out Richie is gay, and after Sam's death, Will and Miranda both have to move on. Will it be easier if they move on together? This story is from Will's point of view, which was interesting to write from. It can be taken as any time after these incidents, but is probably not long after Sam's death.</p><p>N.B. I wrote this prior to the relationship becoming canon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> The Secret Life of Us characters belong to Southern Star Endemol and Channel Ten.

Sam is dead.

Every morning when I wake up, that's the thought that greets me. It's with me with every bite of food I take, with every bottle of beer I open, with every song I hear on the radio. I never realised that so many songs could be related to us until now. It's the last thought in my mind, seeing me off to dreams that start sweetly but end with breaking plates, the sound of car tyres screeching, and a kite that will no longer fly.

One night I get out of bed at two in the morning to go to the toilet. Richie isn't on the couch - either he's in Miranda's room tonight, or he's at Brad's again. Things haven't been the same around here since he announced he was gay. Things haven't been the same around here since Sam died. Things will never be the same again.

When I come out from the toilet, Miranda is in the kitchen, moving like a ghost as she fills the kettle and gets out the coffee.

'What're you doing up?' I ask.

'I can't sleep.' She's only got a little light to work by, the light from the living area. The kitchen bulb burnt out a couple of days after Sam died, and nobody's replaced it yet. In the bit of light that reaches her she looks like an elf or a fairy -- those fine features and wispy blonde hair are what do it. 'You want a coffee?'

'Yeah, okay.' It's not like I'm going to get back to sleep in a hurry anyway.

The warm brown smell of coffee soon fills the air. Miranda puts the mugs on a tray, adds a saucer with a few biscuits on it, and brings it over to the table. There's a rattle of china and spoons as she sets it down, and the clock on the wall is ticking, but apart from that the flat is silent.

'Where's Richie?'

She sits down, tucking her dressing gown closer around herself, and hands me my mug. It's got a chip in the rim from the day Richie dropped it into the sink, doing the dishes for once in his life. 'I don't know.' She stirs her coffee, stirring in the milk until the white swirls on black turn to an even brown.

'Oh, Miranda...' I don't know what else to say.

Miranda takes the spoon out of her coffee and drops it onto the tray. 'I'm okay. Really. It's just a bit hard to get used to.'

'What about Simon?' I say. 'Are you all right with him?'

She shrugs. 'Yeah, I'm fine. They're bloody stupid, though. I keep thinking Richie'll decide it was only the drugs and change his mind, but deep down I know he won't.' She picks up her mug and blows on the hot liquid, her lips pursing up into a little pink rosebud, blowing the steam, which curls up and wafts away. She opens her eyes wider when she does it, like she needs to watch the surface of the coffee to see if it's cool enough to drink yet.

I sip my own drink carefully -- it's hot -- and keep watching her. She reaches up to brush away the wing of hair that has fallen across her eyes, and tucks it back behind her ear.

We sit in a companionable silence for a while. The silence is only between us, of course; even at this time of night there are thousands of other noises. Alex and Kelly are laughing at something down the hall, and Evan's yelling at them to shut up, but he's laughing too. I can't remember the last time I really laughed. It's started to rain outside, the water hitting the window, running down in crystals, like tears.

'Will?'

'Yeah?'

'Do you miss Sam?'

It's a stupid question, and she has to know it's a stupid question, but I answer it anyway.

'Yeah. 'Course I do.' The way she looks at me over the rim of her coffee mug prompts me to say more. 'I'll always miss her. Always. You know that.'

'Oh. I don't know why I asked,' she adds after a second or two.

'Well, do you miss Richie?' I ask. Might as well, since she seems to be in the sort of mood to talk about it.

She nods. 'I know it's not even nearly the same, but some nights it feels like he's gone forever too. When I wake up from a nightmare and he's not there to cuddle up to, I cry myself back to sleep.' She's got such a little-girl voice, and like a little girl plays with a strand of her hair, twirling it around her finger as she talks. 'I just wish none of this had ever happened.'

'Yeah, well, sadly there's no rewind button for life. And there isn't one person anywhere who doesn't have something they wish never happened.' I nearly add, _I bet Richie wishes it never happened, too_, but don't.

Miranda gulps down the rest of her coffee in three swallows. Neither of us touched the biscuits. 'I think I'll go back to bed,' she says, rising and dumping her mug in the sink. I can see she's on the verge of tears.

As she moves towards her room I intercept her and pull her close for a cuddle. She's shaking. Her hair smells like strawberries. Her head nestled against my bare shoulder looks like Sam's a bit; same blonde hair, same way of leaning into me like I've just saved her life. Before I can stop myself I kiss her on the forehead.

'What was that for?' Her voice is muzzy, still sleepy, but holds an interested tone. There are two tears snaking their way down her cheeks, but she's smiling slightly when she looks up at me.

'Just 'cause.' It feels funny cuddling her when she's wrapped up in her dressing gown and PJs and all I've got on are my boxers. 'Can I make a suggestion?'

'Depends, what is it?'

'Well, do you want to sleep in with me tonight?' She opens her mouth, looking a little shocked, but I keep going, 'I'm not pulling the moves on you or anything -- not that I don't love you to bits, of course - but you miss Richie and I miss Sam and part of that's about not having anyone to sleep beside now.'

She takes a minute to answer. Her face is mostly in shadow, so I can't see how she's taking it. I think I've really buggered up this time.

But then she nods, her hair rubbing on my shoulder, and steps away from me. 'Yeah, why not?' As she moves away the light falls across her face, and I'm reminded that she really is beautiful.

We go into my room, closing the door -- it might look suss if anyone drops by in the morning, especially Richie, and finds us like that, but we're both closed-door sleepers. Miranda ditches her dressing gown. She's been sleeping in T-shirt and boxers lately, and tonight they have little chickens on them. I straighten the bed out -- the sheets are a mess -- and pull down the covers for her.

'By the wall, or on the edge?'

'The edge is fine.' She has an elf voice as well as looks. She should be in _Lord of the Rings_ when it comes out, not Cate Blanchett.

I get in bed and slide over so I'm nearest the wall. She gets in beside me, giving me on last sweet smile before turning her back on me. I put an arm around her waist and she snuggles against me, already halfway back to sleep.

''Night Will.'

'Yeah, 'night Miranda.' I pause, then casually add, 'Love you, mate.'

'Yeah, Will, love you too.' She's giggling slightly. She puts her little hand over mine on her stomach and nestles her head into the pillow. She yawns, closes her eyes, and is asleep within minutes.

I lie awake a little longer, listening to the rain, not sure if I'll sleep, not sure if this will help, but of course it does. Listening to her quiet breathing, breathing in the strawberry smell of her shampoo, I close my eyes and let myself be drawn into dreamland.

And now the nightmares have been chased away.


End file.
